So I made a lot of goals for this year. I’m not really a fan of resolutions, because they have become less resolutions, and more all those things you fail to do and kick yourself for later.
Maybe that’s just me.
I like goals, though. Goals are plans, and you can take small actions over time to meet your goals. Looking back, all of the big sweeping changes in my life – at least, the ones that turned out well – were the ones that came about from small, incremental changes.
My eating habits are a huge example. I’ve changed so much in how I eat that my mother and I have a huge disconnect now on food. Sometimes it makes me a little sad. But I love that I eat healthy, filling, nourishing food, so it makes up for that.
Anyway, my goals compared to last year are much more concrete, and I’m looking forward to this year. But in the last month, things have changed. Including the things that led me to set up this blog in the first place, like thinking I wanted to pursue writing as a career, or at least a poorly-paying part-time job.
I’ve come back around to thinking I want writing to be just a hobby. And, just between you and me, I’m not really sure I like writing all that much. I love coming up with ideas, and picking characters apart. I love analyzing themes, and discussing big ideas (and small). I love organizing, and I love the effect story has on our psyches and daily lives.
But? But when I sit down to actually write prose and craft narrative, eh. Not so much. Or the parts of it that I do enjoy are not professional. It’s just fun. And that’s why I think writing is better a hobby for me.
I love my hobbies, and I have a lot of them. Knitting, music (singing and piano), reading, crochet… all shift in and out of my life, sometimes one more important than the others, usually all juggled amidst everyday life. Hobbies are great. They’re creative outlets that allow you to mess up once in a while and not lose your income or status in the world (such as it is).
In the last few weeks of going in, retreating and re-focusing, I’ve figured out some surprising things. One, as mentioned above, Writer isn’t really my dream anymore. I accepted that I could be good at something and it doesn’t have to be the definition of who I am and how I am successful.
I also realized that my dream vocation is the one I have right now. I love being a nanny, and it is something that brings me great fulfillment. As promised in the About section, I won’t talk about being a nanny here… but I will say I’ve decided to pursue further training in child development, and to treat “nanny” as a career, not just a job.
One thing I haven’t decided yet is whether I’m going back to teaching at the gym. The rough plan is to go back in February, but I’m not fully committed yet, and there’s a part of me that really likes being able to come home and just chill, and to stay in pajamas until noon on Sunday. As I type this, I would be finishing up a class. Instead, I am sitting on the couch and my cat is beside me, and I’m finishing up my second cup of coffee.
I kind of love that.