Tag Archives: work

I’m a little frustrated.

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This blog (as a whole) has no point. But I’m kind of to the point of deleting it all and saying goodbye, or writing something. So I’m writing, something. 🙂

I teach Spinning as part of my corporate fitness job, and I’ve been in such a rut lately. But yesterday I went in kind of excited, revved up, trying every trick I had for mental preparation and visualization.

Class was okay… not great. And then, I ended up talking about politics. I was mentioning the opening number for the Academy Awards, and someone said she didn’t watch awards shows because they were too political.

First off, I hate when people say this. What they really mean is, Hollywood is full of liberals and they don’t want to hear what liberals are concerned about. While the world is falling all to hell, they want to stay in their isolated bubble and believe whatever Trump says is true.

I didn’t say all of that, though. I just said it wasn’t that political, other than some Trump jokes, and the Iranian director’s speech, which was just about not being divisive. And I don’t understand why people think that’s a controversial statement, especially when it’s far-right Christians who seem to think it’s a controversial statement.

Hypocrites.

And, I did say a lot of that. Which is inappropriate to say in the work environment, and killed the class mood. I killed my own mood for the rest of the day.

It’s a simple solution. Don’t talk about politics at work. And I can follow it, mostly. But I feel like this is how life is now. If you say, I’m worried about the direction our president is taking us.. If you say, Do you really believe all Muslims want to kill Christians? … That will get you mobbed by Trump thugs on Twitter. And heaven forbid we talk about our disagreements in a civil manner in real life.

The problem is, there is no way to bridge a gulf with people who don’t believe in actual facts. If you point to actual numbers and research, they say that’s liberal propaganda, then put up a nasty meme, call you a snowflake, and link to a YouTube video about how Obama bought missiles for ISIS. frustration

Then they call news that follows actual journalism guidelines “fake” news, as if they didn’t create a world that is only fake news.

I do believe, if this were a regional problem, it’s divisive enough now that it could lead to a Civil War. I’d personally like to put the boundaries of state between my fellow Americans and those nutjobs. But it’s not like that… It’s really come down to city versus rural.

And there’s nothing to be done for it. My best hope right now is that Trump will finally fail, and disappoint those who supported him. I know a few people have already regretted their vote. But for the most part, it’s clear that Trump followers are with him 100%, and there is nothing that will change their minds. If he shot his Chief of Staff in the head today, they’d say it was deserved.

Or that Obama did it.

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Thick skin

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My life has felt upside down for a while.

Things changed so radically, but they didn’t change at all. I felt my family falling away from me in a more permanent way than I was prepared for. I felt un-moored.

And stability has returned now, of a nature. And that feels even stranger. Wasn’t everything supposed to change forever? I was prepared to grieve. I was grieving.

But it seems that was premature. I should be happy, right?

And so, I continue. I live my life. I do my job. My job is my sanity, as much as I would prefer to stay home and feel sorry for myself. My job gives me a purpose, and an identity; something that seems to be of value to others.

I’m learning to play guitar. It was painful at first, and I didn’t know if I could continue. But I’ve developed callouses, and my fingers have grown accustomed to the strange positions they must take to form a chord. I’ve learned to play partial chords, which qualifies as “good enough” for my mid-life hobby.

So life goes on, and I develop my mental callouses, and I grow accustomed to the strange forms life takes. It’s good enough.

Seeds of Change

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So much has been happening.

A few months ago, I did a tarot card reading on myself. (As one does.) There was a lot in the layout about dashed dreams and disappointment (no surprise there), but there was also the card about planting seeds of change, followed by the message to be prepared because change would happen quickly.

As with any good prophecy, it has come to pass, but not as I expected/hoped.

Instead of selling millions of e-books on Amazon and retiring to the Bahamas, I’ve had major struggles with health (mental and physical), and came very close to flaming out on my job and going to be a secretary somewhere awful. (Actually, that was slightly outranked by the possibility of becoming a truck driver. If I didn’t have cats….)

Instead of quitting, however, I am going to start working part-time in two weeks. This is a huge relief, because I won’t have to adjust to a new workplace and I’ll still have my health benefits. I’ve never liked being shackled to a job only because of benefits, but there is a lot I love about this job. (And to be completely honest, there were very few jobs on Craigslist or Monster that match my skill set so well.) I’m worried about money, but I’ve lived on a lot less, and I’ll still be making more than I would be making in those secretarial jobs that were my escape plan.

So there’s that…. In the meantime, I finished the 6-week Introduction to Digital Photography course. Some of my photos are at 500px.com. I really loved it! And it makes the fears I talked about a few weeks ago seem so silly. I’ll be starting intermediate next week!